For Those Who Seek Balance
by Fialka
Summary: REDONE! NEW CHAPTER! I cannot repress my sadness as I realize that I failed to do one thing I was meant to do as a human being, I failed to find my balance…and I gave up anything and everything to help you find yours.
1. Part I

  **Author**:  Olya

  **Series**: Megami Kouhosei (Pilot Candidate) (Candidate for Goddess)

  **Pairing**: read and see

  **Rating**: PG-13

  **Genre**: angst/future-fic/ slightly AU for things that didn't really happen in the show

  **Email**: sacred_tune@hotmail.com, AIM: Cherished Abyss

  Disclaimer: I do not own Megami Kouhosei in any way, shape, or form. This piece is a fan fiction, and is made specifically for the purposes of entertaining and expanding imagination of Megami Kouhosei fans.     

                                                                                                                  **For Those Who Seek Balance**

**                                                                                                                                    Part 1**

**Genesis**

        It's raining.

        They say it never rains during this season and they are right, but today is a special day. It is so special that I decide to stand here, under the safe hood of my umbrella, and keep you company for the next half an hour.

        I never thought you'd be the first one to go. You were always so strong, so full of energy that seemed to never end, the energy that I always lacked of. Or maybe you just got tired of everything. I understand you though; the things you went through make me feel tired at the mere thought of them. Somebody smart said once that everything seeks balance in this Universe. Luckily you found your balance – me, as bluntly as it sounds – but is very true – we both know that. Yet because I was so fascinated with you, as I watched you grow up into the man you became, I forgot to seek for my own stability. It is too late for me to look for it now: I'm too old, and probably as tired as you were.

       And so, the only weight in my heart right now is that familiar weight of incompleteness which you once felt yourself, and which I made go away. I cannot repress my sadness as I realize that I failed to do one thing I was meant to do as a human being, I failed to find my balance…and I gave up anything and everything to help you find yours.

                                                         ***************************

        Do you remember how we met? I think it was a special day, and it should have rained then, but being where we were – it never rained, the sun never shined, and it was never cloudy. Wind never bothered my hair. I was barely fifteen, so innocent, so oblivious to cruelty of the Universe around me; and you were…you were lost. We were all orphans on GOA, all of us lost someone to the war, and we grieved with pain from time to time for the ones who would never come back to us. Back then I thought you had lost someone unique. Life had to be pretty damn hard for you to become this way. It was later that I understood it was _you_ who you'd lost. You lost yourself in the midst of hell that you had to live through before coming to GOA.

       When I first saw you – I saw an injured puppy. The first thing that came to my mind was that you were in a desperate search of a healer, someone who would take you home, bandage you, and give you love and comfort that you needed so much. I hadn't considered the fact that an injured dog would bite anyone who'd come near it, in fear that they would hurt it more. 

      I got bitten, and hard. 

      Never in my life had I met anyone who got physical with me. Never in my life had my pure desire to help been rejected so roughly. Later on, while sitting and weeping in my room I realized that those claret orbs were concealing something much stronger than mere pain…they held in everything that human principles stood against – death, murder, violence, and theft. I tried to feel angry with you, the things you've done in your past were written all over your face, but I ended up feeling angry _for_ you. Angry for all the things you went through, unvoiced yet clearly evident; I began to hate the world you grew up in. Perhaps, I hated it even more than you did.

       You told me not to try to understand you. Your words still clearly fill my head: "Your job is to support me, not to get into my business. Do not try to understand me, understood?" Right then and there the goals of my life had changed in order to fit yours. Even after you had forbidden me to be friends with Kizna because she was your rival's repairer, I did not object and did what you told me. I no longer got up in the morning to learn, work and be the best I could be. I got up every morning to learn – so you would not be disappointed in me, I worked – so your dreams would come true, and I did everything in my power for you to be the best you could be as well. Whatever your dreams were, as I made it clear to you and to myself: I would help them become reality…whatever was the cost. 

        My pure devotion to you had clouded my judgment to an impossible level. After sabotaging Zero's PRO-ING I understood just how serious my devotion got. Zero was your rival, and his fall would surely win your appraisal of me. I remember how surprised I was when you cornered me in that small hallway, and nearly strangled me to death because of what I did. I was confused. I didn't comprehend as to why you'd be infuriated with me for this. It took many years for me to realize that you didn't hate Zero. He was simply the release of that something, which was begging to come out ever since you left those dirty streets that robbed you of a decent childhood. You and he were of equal power and wisdom, always. Yet, Zero grew up in a more or less happy environment, and that was what you truly hated. You despised the fact that he got to have one thing you didn't – innocence.

       I couldn't help but ask myself a question: what kind of release was I to you then? If not anger and hatred – then what? My question was answered only many years later.

       While we were the Pilots and the Repairers in training, many things happened to us: from small to big, from happy times to the times worth crying for. Ernest – the older brother of Erts – died in the battle against Victim. Erts was instantly called up to be the substitute Pilot for Reneight Klein. He was forced to leave his repairer behind, and move on. Sadly enough, Rome wasn't the only thing he left behind. While Erts was on GOA, he and Zero managed to become good friends, a relationship that would further turn into something more precious. 

       Still, as loyal as I've become to you, my eyes couldn't help but fall on your rival. 

       Zero…there was that special something about him as well, and not only you could feel it – I felt it too. He was almost an exact opposite of who you were, yet both of you were so much alike. And so, I became fascinated with Zero in a different kind of way than I did with you. I began seeing this boy in a new light back when we were in GOA. To me, he was flawless, selfless, loving and caring, and he was the ultimate champion. A champion I would like to be with, make love with, and care for. After Zero found out later that it was I who sabotaged his PRO-ING, he got so angry and surprised that I thought he'd never let it go. But he did. He forgave me, and he told me so, because he understood why I did it. We were on _friends_ terms again. That's also when I knew I couldn't dare and dream about him returning my feelings after what I did. If you'd known about my feelings towards Zero back then – I can imagine even now how you would get physical with me, again. 

       Nevertheless, I tried my best to gain Zero's trust once more, and even though it seemed that he'd dismissed my sabotage as quickly as one-two-three, I knew it had to be much more complicated than that. Still, Zero was very open with me, always cheerful and completely immature at most times – him being _Zero_ and all. He made my attempts to gain his trust easier. Deciding that it was too early to even consider that he could like me back, I just let our friendship stroll its way through the time we spent together. Oh, we spent a _lot of time together, none of which you knew about, of course. Zero and I began meeting up in the recreation room every other day after we found out we had the same time of recess during our academic classes. We were chatting, helping each other out with homework, and doing all the things friends did. Sometimes, Zero would open up to me; he would get all serious and sometimes even sad, telling me about how his mother died during their separation at the time when Victim attacked his colony. That was one of his primary reasons for becoming a pilot. Then, he would get so hyper that I couldn't calm him down no matter what. He would talk non-stop about his fascination with the Ingrids. He said that he would pilot the White Goddess. I told him that he would be blessed enough if he could get a chance to pilot __any Ingrid, but Zero insisted that I did not understand; he told me that the White Goddess was the one who saved him from the Victim when he was a child, and she would be the one for him. With dreams of this size, I knew, the Universe would just __have to find power in itself to make him a Pilot._

      Clay was soon promoted for a job on GIS as the Last Observer. The boy himself didn't yet understand what was in store for him; he didn't even know what the term "_Last Observer_" meant. All of us remembered the boy we befriended, the one who'd constantly push up his glasses as if he was a highly educated person (and he was), the one whose attention would be drawn to anything of matter, the one who would always concern for us, eager to help the best he could. 

      Then we remember _Clay – the Observer_.

     He was everything the old Clay wasn't: charming, witty, secretive, careless…well not always. We've seen him lose his 'cool' a couple of times, the kind times where heart decided it had enough of false pretences, the kind of times when Saki almost died of heart attack…

     One by one we moved to the top. You and I were the first ones to move up, a pretty special arrangement for sixteen-year-old rookies. It all happened when the Pilot of Eeva Leena had lost it. Gareas, his name was, couldn't handle himself anymore. His EX was controlling him, just like it did with you at some point in your life. Gareas was so vulnerable at those times, especially after Ernest's death. Gareas could never control his EX well, and the fatality of his best friend was his breaking point. During a simple attack on the Victim he managed to lose control and use up all of his EX. His repairer, Leena, had retired with him. GIS' Top command had requested for a pilot with a similar EX as Gareas', and you were their first and only choice.

     When we took their place, the first thing we did was to rename now _our_ Goddess. You called her Elia, and I called her Phoenix. Later on, we found out that the Goddess Spirit's actual name was, in fact, Elia. I thought by that time that you would change, at least a little. It was not the change itself that concerned me. It was the fact of whether you would be able to change at all. Yet as far as I knew, your heart still remained in the consuming darkness, all of which you didn't wish to share with anyone but _her_. Elia was what you've lived for every day. She was your guide, your light, your redemption, and I couldn't help but feel jealous. Elia knew that, but she had never tried to draw you closer to me, to let me heal you – for that was my only wish. You were _her_ Pilot. The Pilot. The final warrior and possessor of Elia Phoenix. It would only be natural that she was to try and lead you to peace and redemption. For the reasons still unknown to me, she remained you only to herself and no one else. If it was possible to believe – you became even more closed up. You had spent hours, even days inside her, connecting with the Goddess. As a result of such sessions you had not slept in days at a time, and was starved as well – all because you didn't wish to leave Elia even for a moment; instead you starved for _her_. You two managed to create a connection which could not be described with mere words. 

     Was _this your dream then? What you wanted all your life? To be with her? Was I a good Repairer? Did I succeed in making your dreams come true?_

     As your health progressed to worse, I had no choice but to speak with Teela. Now, everybody knew there was something wrong-or rather unusual about this female Pilot…the only female Pilot known to history of mankind. After I told her what was wrong with you, she didn't say a word to me. Teela turned away and proceeded to Elia Phoenix, walking into the cockpit with ease, making me startled a little as she did so. I can only assume that she spoke to you on good terms, and somehow you understood that your hunger for Elia's company was unhealthy for you and mainly – for your job. You never said anything to me, but I think it was very clear to you that it was I who made Teela talk to you. By the next several days you hadn't entered your Ingrid once, but still spent quite a few hours per day sitting in the hanger, looking at her, trying to connect even outside of cockpit. She was yours, and I think you felt that she was your _only real possession.   _

      The next ones to arrive on GIS were Force and his repairer, Carres. They were to operate the Red Goddess. The former Pilot, Yu Hikura, lost both of his legs in a vicious battle against Victim. His sacrifice had saved five colonies from destruction, thus keeping fifty thousand people alive. Yu and his sister Kazuhi, who also happened to be his Repairer, had left GIS, and were given a lifetime citizenship on Zion. This was a big event for any human being – to settle and live on Zion, our last planet, and Yu with Kazuhi fully deserved this honor.      

     You and Force didn't socialize much, giving the past circumstantial conflicts between you two. I had befriended Carres, and found out that she was a wonderful person if you'd look past that solid and cold exterior. I missed Kizna, and didn't have any friends on GIS before Carres. Amazingly, the Red Goddess' Repairer and I got along very well. You didn't care about this friendship, for we did not compete for a Goddess anymore.

       Zero and Kizna were the next ones to come. There was no question about which Goddess they would be with. In truth, we all knew, even you did, that Zero was meant to be the Pilot for Teela. It was no sooner they got on board, that the one-and-only woman Pilot to ever exist had vanished without a trace. She was the one to unexpectedly call up Zero and Kizna to GIS. For the first time in my life I've noticed that you had actually been satisfied with Zero's presence in the facility. I have always wondered how come he had such influence over you. Whatever he did affected your existence, and you probably realized it somewhere during your life. It was still a mystery to me back then how come you had despised Zero so much on GOA, but had been able to ignore him so willingly on GIS. In a long run, I understood why you felt that way. Something, probably out of a pure instinct, had told you that Zero was connected to you somehow, that maybe he lived through similar things you lived through, and that he could possibly be the only person who could understand you, and relate to you. He seemed to be like you in a way…and you felt that. The connection between you two – although almost completely ruined by the rivalry – had still existed…and neither of you could deny it, but neither would any of you completely admit it. Perhaps Zero knew about the strange connection too, because he did try to start over with you. He became as open with you as he could; I saw how he tried. Yet, the damage in your relations was already inflicted way too much. You couldn't handle reconstructing your entire state of being, in order to adjust to his friendship – and so, you remained closed-up, all to yourself…with me standing somewhere nearby in the shadows.      

   The last but not the least ones to come were Yamagi and Tukasa. They had joined almost a year after Zero and Kizna arrived. They were to have the Orange Goddess. The prior Pilot of the Orange Goddess had retired – _ran off for something as stupid as love, little mother fu-  _– were your exact words after hearing the news from Zero that Rioroute had decided he had enough of war, and was going to settle down in a safest colony with his Repairer slash wife-to-be Phil Phileira Deed. Zero, however, wished them a wonderful life, and they left with a promise of sending little Eric's pictures every month or so. Everybody (bar you, of course) was happy for Rio and Phil, and their infant son. Rio and Phil – the phrase sounded so…welcoming, we all knew they were meant to be together even if it took as much as a pregnancy to wake Rioroute up and make him a man.

    Saki became a doctor on GOA, quicker than any other medical students. By the time she turned seventeen she was allowed to perform many procedures, and by the time she turned eighteen she got her degree…or rather several of them – relating to various branches of medicine. She loved what she did, and it gave her a drive for studying. Saki was a smart girl, beautiful, and strong in many ways. She used to be my role model at some point. It was a shame though that her dreams of becoming a repairer dimmed away, as Clay left to become the observer. 

   And so we lived, fought, laughed, cried, loved, cheered, and hoped. Zero and Kizna, Yamagi and Tukasa, Force and Carres, Erts and Tune, Clay, Saki…me and you…

   And then came the Prophecy. 

                    **_To Be Continued in Part 2…_**


	2. Part II

**  Author**:  Olya

  **Series**: Megami Kouhosei (Pilot Candidate) (Candidate for Goddess)

  **Pairing**: read and see

  **Rating**: PG-13

  **Genre**: angst/future-fic/ slightly AU for things that didn't really happen in the show

  **Email**: sacred_tune@hotmail.com, AIM: Cherished Abyss

  **Disclaimer:** I do not own Megami Kouhosei in any way, shape, or form. This piece is a fan fiction, and is made specifically for the purposes of entertaining and expanding imagination of Megami Kouhosei fans.   

  **Special Notes from the Author:** no much to say, except for a warning that this is NOT a picture-perfect sweet and waffy story. ANYBODY who says that it was sweet – shall die (so said by Hiead, and wasn't my fault – he directed my writing, I had nothing to do with this…well maybe just a little bit). For those who bothered to write less than a couple of rather non-informative words for my Part 1: I appreciate your short reviews, but they don't tell me your reaction, your thoughts...I need constructive criticism, or a thorough review that explains your reactions to certain moments, if you will, and please bother to write such (I do thank all my reviewers, especially Lalita-san), your reviews give me fuel and knowledge of how to write me text, in order to get you interested. And would somebody PLEASE teach me when to use 'toward' and when to use 'towards'?

… Have a nice ride kids, buckle-up   

                                      **For Those Who Seek Balance**

**                                                       Part 2**

                                               90 hours 7 minutes

          The rain stops for a moment, only to begin again with full power. The hand with which I hold my umbrella begins to shake slightly, weakened by my old friend arthritis, so I bring up my other hand in order to support the weight of the object I'm holding. The rain became heavy and more intense. The wind has picked up its power somewhere far along the deserted alley, viciously ripping fresh green leaves off the gentle birches. It is a shame that such young products of nature were assaulted so brutally by non other than nature itself…

      …But then again, life and death can and will strike you at any time, any age, and any place – I've had to learn it the hard way.

      I close my eyes slowly, inhaling the smell of rain and its dampness. The vision of where I'm standing slowly fades away, and my mind takes me back in time. Sixty two years. Some would say it's a life long lived, others would see them as just a tiny drop of time within the ocean of Universe. Nevertheless – it's time when _life took place, and it's all that matters. I remember everything. Back when my hair and eyes were the color of tree frames, and when my skin was as perfect as porcelain, and when my mind was as innocent as that of a child. I was seventeen, with whole life still ahead of me… _

                                                                   *** 

     I remember that ordinary day more clearly than any other. I can easily recall every little detail of that day. The day we found out. Most of us sat at the table, having breakfast, chatting about miscellaneous subjects when Clay walked up to us, a hint of alarm in his voice and face. Nobody noticed it at first, except for me. Several minutes later we were all petrified. Clay, who had the amazing gift of foresight, had told us about the Prophecy he discovered just now, and had confirmed it to be true. In reality, Clay was not psychic, but his amazing EX allowed him to gather, analyze, and predict data better than any computer. 

    In his Prophecy, Clay said that the Final Battle with Victim would come within the next four days.

    He said that the Victim were gathering their forces together, swarms joining each other into giant multitudes. Clay said that his computers, aligned with his EX had confirmed that there were little fewer than five million Victim, preparing for the final attack, which – judging by their behavior and incoming speed – would be in precisely 90 hours 7 minutes.

    All of us knew right then: people would die. We would die.

    The numbers, given to us by Clay, paralyzed our minds and bodies for a good while.  

    In the next five minutes the drama began to unfold. Kizna slowly began crying, with Zero at her side giving her a tight hug, his eyes wide open, staring into space – seeing nothing but horror. I was crying too…but Zero didn't seem to care- in fact nobody seemed to care. The unjust out-of-place jealousy began to form its way inside my throat, conflicted with the feeling of impending doom of the Final Battle that was to come. But at the moment I didn't seem to register the latter feeling, instead my tears concentrated on pure envy of how Zero held Kizna so protectively, giving her all the comfort, the comfort I needed so much all my life.

    Meanwhile, Erts' glass of iced lemon water lay shattered on the cold steel floor, forgotten; Tune's eyes couldn't seem to focus on any object, and small but sure tears were forming in the corners of her gentle eyes; Clay looked at all of us helplessly with unrepressed sadness, as if it was all his fault. A moment later I fainted, and as I was falling to the ground only one thing had time to register in my mind – you…where were you? You were gone from your dining table…or rather out of the room entirely…

    I recall whispering your name, in hopes that you would come back here and do something…anything…whatever…just do it…DO IT! And then I hit the floor with a light thud.  

    Time began ticking rather loudly. The quiet beeping of seconds on our alarm clocks; the previously muffled non-disturbing ticking of old-fashioned watches was gone, replaced with loud bangs that everyone couldn't seem to stop hearing. Time was making us aware of itself, and it was becoming quite unbearable. Not just us, but people from all over the space – from colonies and Zion, to employment staffs of GOA and GIS; they all had felt time…but it was us: the Pilots and the Repairers who felt it the most. Nobody slept that first night; neither did anybody sleep the following day. Only then did our bodies have to give into slumber.

     Everybody had nightmares, of course. Everyone I knew woke up in cold sweat, afraid, wanting to live. Yes, we wanted to live…was that so wrong? Even you did…but didn't show it of course. You were just as you were before…and I was surprised by how this didn't affect you at all. Was there even a piece of a pathetic soul inside of you? My answer came in the evening of the Third Day (as it would be later known to history). I remember walking into the cafeteria every day and looking up at the giant clock that hung there, counting down the hours of when we would die. It was dreadful to sit there and stare, hypnotized by this enormous machinery, which counted our minutes. 

      10…….9…...8…..7....6…5…4..3..2.1- 

     Day One was the hardest of all, as I believe, with everybody being shocked, crying, fainting, and some even killing themselves in desperation to hold their power over death. Then we slept, worn out and tired. Then we woke up and didn't go by our regular routines. We didn't eat. We didn't talk. We were alone, by ourselves. Aftermath.

     Day Two; we cried again, this time to each other, all but you of course. I don't even remember seeing you during those days. Our old friends were permitted to come to GIS, but not all of them could come though. Roose could not come, but Wrecka-chan did. Saki came. I remember how she publicly collapsed onto Clay's shoulders, crying in fear as she clutched at his Observer uniform. His shoulders didn't budge once, however, as he wore that same old _Clay –the Observer_ mask. He knew he had to be calm in the time of this universal panic, or others would lose their last bits of hope. Clay was the second most important person next to Top Kurou Rivoldi, and that meant he had to keep his cool up no matter what. Even such an intense thing as seeing his old friend and partner would not break him. But Saki kept crying, and soaking his Observer uniform, as if trying to prove us all something about Clay. Then shortly after, she collapsed violently onto the floor, leaving startled Clay to stand above her, in shock. Saki had a massive heart attack that day, one that she barely lived through…one that had scarred her mental state for the rest of her life. The only thing I know about Clay and Saki, was that when I visited her in the recovery room, soon after what happened, I saw Clay standing on his knees in front of this unconscious young woman, crying his head off as he clung to her bedside, desperately gripping onto the bed sheets and her pale hands. I didn't say nor do anything at that moment. I left them alone for the love's sake but visited Saki later, only to do the same thing Clay did.  

     Day Three came upon us, and we didn't cry anymore. On that day we pulled ourselves together, making finishing repairs on already perfect Ingrids. It was the day when we had to get serious, because as little as the chance of survival was – we still had it, and we would fight until the end. It was quite a pressure to know that the existence of the humanity depended on the ten of us. Four billion people counted on us. Meanwhile the clock kept ticking and ticking. And the sounds of it were getting louder and louder. The Final Battle would come upon us the following morning.

      In the evening of the Third Day I began to get nervous. So nervous I got that in no time my anxiety had turned into pure fear, and I couldn't walk or talk or be still without my hands getting shaky. I needed to do something, anything. Perhaps I had to talk it out, or do something that would cool my system from the constant fear; I knew I was in no condition to operate the Ingrid well on the following day. I visited Saki a couple of times, and though she was now conscious – it was obvious she could not talk much. I tried to find Kizna, but couldn't. I spent some of my time with Wrecka-chan; she wouldn't talk to me either, but for other reasons I'd rather not remember. Then I came to the hangar in order to make final checkups on Elia Phoenix. Still…it wasn't enough. I couldn't calm down, my body needed to do something in order to forget of what was to come.

     A certain idea then came to my mind. And even though I dismissed it at first, I could not stop thinking about it. Surely…that was quite _something_ worth doing. 

     Finally giving up to myself, I decided to confront my feelings and go for it. It was the last day anyways…I wouldn't have to care about being rejected or told off…for all I knew – this was the last day of my life.

    Walking down the hallway towards the men's quarters, I couldn't help but wonder how Zero would respond to my affections. What would he think? How would he feel? What would he say to me? Was it a good idea to even consider telling about my feelings toward him? There was only one way to find out, I mused as I turned around the corner and continued strolling to the Number One's quarters. I was just about to turn around next and final corner when I heard quiet voices echoing throughout the hallway. I don't remember much about what they were talking about, but I can recall Erts telling him that he felt the same way. Zero, one the other hand, was saying things about how he didn't care if he died the following day – the more important thing was that he couldn't go on if Erts would die, he wouldn't know a good reason to live if that happened. Anyone who knew Erts and Zero would know that there was always chemistry between those two. I knew it too, though I wouldn't bet my life on it…before I saw it with my own eyes from around that corner – two seventeen year old boys sharing a mutual embrace and whispering affectionate words to one another. My heart broke then, and I ran as fast as my legs would carry me. My vision blurred so much, I couldn't even recognize where I was going, but I _was _going somewhere – and that was all that mattered. Yet because my mind was so occupied at the moment, it was too late when I realized that I just ran around the entire men's quarters' hallway, bringing myself to the same exact spot where Zero and Erts were standing minutes earlier...

    Thankfully, they weren't there anymore, and I realized I was completely alone in the corridor. Walking slowly, with my head limp and too heavy for my body, I wiped away my tears…well, at least now I knew how Zero felt about me. He had no interest in me like that whatsoever. All this time we were good friends, but he never thought about me in that way. In all time of our friendship, I didn't dare to tell him how I felt. And now it was too late. As I paced down the hallway, passing the Number One's quarters, I came to a sudden stop in front of the next door: the Number Two's quarters – your room.

    I wondered what you were doing now, at this time, the night before the Final Battle. Were you already asleep? It was a late night after all. I, myself did not feel like sleeping, and even if I did, I knew I wouldn't be able to fall into the world of dreams anyway. Something then told me that you would probably not be asleep either. Being alone and hurt as I was, I found it would be healthy and also important to speak to my Pilot before what was to come.

    Your door was open, surprisingly to my assumptions of your need of complete privacy. The light on the side was flashing green before I even attempted to push the button that would open the door to your quarters. The metal shield opened with a disgusting slick whisper of oil against the door's mechanism. I stepped in with uncertainty, and instantly the same creepy noise of the sliding door could be heard behind my back. Inside I saw nothing but darkness at first, making me wonder whether I was correct in assuming you weren't asleep, but then I saw your slender frame against the starlit window. I instantly relaxed, relieved that you were awake. You didn't look like you acknowledged my presence, but I knew that in truth you did, since you must have heard the sound of the door at my entrance; but that was your way with people – you never paid much attention to life around you, probably thinking they are not worth of your time. 

    Carefully, as if not to cause sudden disturbances in this quiet peaceful atmosphere, I moved toward where you stood, your arms crossed at your chest – your usual posture – gazing out the window and into space. I kept coming closer and closer, lightly stumbling against your bed on the way. When I was no more than five feet away from you, I had a chance to study your features. Your appearance changed so much in the two years that we've worked together; I could see it even in such starlit dimness. Your hair was longer, the front bangs almost reaching your chin now, and the ones in the back were nearly at the shoulders, as always unruly but nevertheless thick and silky to my gaze. I had a sudden urge to run my hands through them.

    I knew I didn't have to say anything, we never conversed much. It was one of the habits we've obtained when working together for the past two years. I've learned not to bother saying unimportant things to you, and speak only when it was necessary. We stood like that for quite a while, just gazing outside at the small trickles of light that were stars, consumed by the darkness of space, as always.

   _Darkness consumes. _

   As true as it is, the darkness can not be if there is no light. Only if there is light, can the darkness be defined as such. I thought that light and darkness would always exist; the question was, however, if we would be there tomorrow to see them again.

   "My destiny will finally be accomplished, yet I do not feel complete."

    My attention was snapped back into reality, as I heard your words echoing throughout the room. They seemed loud, but I knew they were nothing more than a mere murmur. It was then that I had realized just how quiet the entire facility was, unusually so. It took a moment for me to consider your words, and it seemed that you said them to yourself. I was beginning to question whether you really knew I was in the room. My question was shortly answered, as you suddenly turned to look me straight into the eyes, your dark claret orbs assaulting me with a sudden accusation. 

    "Why."

     It was more of a statement than a question; at least that is what it sounded like, coming from your lips. Why? Why what? I didn't understand, until it registered in my mind correctly. You said that your destiny was almost complete…but it wasn't enough for you, was it? There was more…And all those years you've craved for this upcoming battle, training yourself, working your strength to its limits, but it never occurred to you that there was something else you didn't do. Something extremely important that you never thought twice of, and now it was eating away at your soul (if you had any that is), reminding you that you had failed in something quite important, and now it was too late to make it up. I could imagine the despair you felt right then. It made me feel pity, and worst of all – guilt. I couldn't help but wonder if it was something I didn't do right. I was a good repairer, wasn't I? I did things…right…right? Still, you seemed to question me concerning what went wrong, blaming me for your desolation. The message was as clear as it could be.

    But how could I respond to the question you so desperately sought the answer to, if I didn't know the answer myself?

    Feeling tears of pity welling up in my eyes, I couldn't help but feel helpless and responsible for something I didn't even do. Still, you kept your condemning glare on me, waiting for some sort of reply. I had none. Nonetheless, I felt like I owed some kind of answer to you, a comfort of the sort. So, acting on a pure instinct, I found myself leaning into your face so quick that I almost lost my balance. A moment later I was kissing you on the lips, in a shy peck. It seemed to last quicker than a second, and you weren't responding at all, your lips stayed in the same hard thin line they were a second ago. Such lack of action from your side made me think whether I crossed a line I shouldn't have crossed. With fear building its way throughout my entire body, I began to pull away just as quickly as I leaned in, noticing all the while that your eyes were not closed, but not wide awake with surprise either. Suddenly in the mid-step of my action, just as I've been pulling away, you seemed to register something about what I just did, and quickly caught my lips with yours before I was completely out of reach.

    Yet, just as soon as you caught my mouth, you let it go with a soft kissing sound. I was stunned in midair, but not for too long, as I felt your now hungry lips on mine once more, and this time for slightly longer time. I couldn't help but want more, as all of the previous thoughts and feelings of guilt and insecurity fled somewhere far away. You wanted more too: I could feel it by your short and ragged breaths, which seemed to be identical to mine. In that instant, as if on some silent cue, our bodies collapsed together just like a powerful explosion, gaining animalistic ideas of lovemaking. I never knew I had it in me – or you for that matter…but it didn't seem to bother me that much as we slowly proceeded to your bed – not without stumbling several times on our way there – as we quickly disposed of my and then your clothing. You laid over me like a blazing blanket of passion, and began to devour my innocence for the rest of the longest night of my life.

     It's funny how I seem to remember every tiny detail of that night, and even with my old age I can recall everything down to the color of your feverish skin, and to each breath taken that night. In that room, when lying on that bed, I forgot all my troubles and worries: Zero, the Battle, and Saki's ailment. Your worries seemed to subside as well. All of our bothers were gone, for lovemaking does not allow thoughts – it only allows sensations.

     And there were plenty of those. 

     I gave every little thing that defined me to you that night because I pitied you, not because I felt something for you. I was in love with Zero, and he would never feel anything more than a brotherly love towards me.

   Later when lying in your arms, pleasantly sore and exhausted, I had asked you of my only concern:

   "And do you feel complete now, Hiead?"

   After what seemed like an eternity to me, I heard your quiet reply, brushing softly against my ear: 

   "Perhaps…"

    Perhaps: it was not a _no, but neither was it a __yes._

    It was _perhaps._

    And it was enough for me to fall asleep completely content with the way things were. However, it was only the satisfaction of the moment, which would later bring me into things I would rather not have lived through. But it was too late to turn around now. What was done – was done.

                        **_To Be Continued in Part 3…_**


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